My little flower
by MadameSutcliff
Summary: Yao believes he's found true love and happiness, until Ivan destroys it in the worst way, and there is no going back. Bad summary as always, the story is better I promise!
1. Chapter 1

**Oh gosh guys, I've been gone for soooooo long I'm so very sorry, this past month has been very busy between work and Kami con and wedding planning and being sick and everything else you can imagine. Also, I am taking a brief hiatus on my Grelliam fic, only because I want it to continue to be really good, and I've been struggling lately with my own battle with depression and self-harm so I don't want to be writing that kind of stuff right now. So I'll be working on some shorter things, mostly fluffy and cute, and mostly hetalia related because I'm obsessed. 3 I have already written a few one or two shots and will be posting them tonight, and I'll continue to write more from not only hetalia but death note and kuroshitsuji and possibly some others. Also I will be taking requests, if anyone would like to see a certain pairing/fluffy scenario from one of those three series I will write it ^^ most yaoi pairings and a few others I would be happy to write. Anyway, this first one is a two chapter RoChu (Russia/China) story, my OTP. It contains hints of rape and a bit of language I think, so beware. I unfortunately do not own hetalia. Thank you for reading my incredibly long note and I hope you enjoy!**

China quietly padded into the large kitchen in the house he and his siblings shared. It was early; the sun was just barely peeking over the top of the trees that were visible from the large glass window in the room. Rising this early was the norm for both China and Japan, who was already in the kitchen brewing his morning tea, but lately China hadn't been sleeping due to nightmares, yet tired as he was every time he closed his eyes the fear that had been so instilled in him overtook his mind, making it impossible to properly rest.

He sat down at the table, groaning softly and laying his head on his folded arms. He was still dressed in his green silk pajamas and his long hair was loosely tangled around his face. Japan turned and observed him for a second, a hint of worry in his usually emotionless eyes; after all, China was his big brother, and they were quite close. Seeing him as miserable as he'd been for the past several weeks caused a small pang in the younger nation's heart.

"Rough night?" Japan asked softly, turning back to the stove.

China lifted his head a bit and shook it slightly. "Just tired is all."

Japan couldn't help but roll his eyes; that was China, always trying to be strong and brave for his younger siblings, always acting like nothing is ever wrong. He didn't know Japan had seen him cry himself to sleep nearly every night, or that he had heard his muffled screams when he was woke by his night terrors. Japan didn't want him to know this, because of all the things that had been stripped from him, he had managed, no, willed himself to hold on to his pride. That was very important to him, and Japan didn't want to take that from his older brother; however, this was beginning to get serious. Upon studying the elder nation he could see his health deteriorating; he had dark bruise like circles under his eyes that stood out against his pallid skin; he was also rather thin. How long would he be able to go on like this? He had always been strong, but everyone had their breaking point.

Japan carried two steaming mugs of China's favorite herbal tea to the table and sat one down in front of his brother, sitting down across from him and sipping on his own tea.

"_Xie xie_." China picked up his mug and wrapped his hands around it, savoring the warmth and sipping it slowly.

Japan nodded. "Hai." The two sat in silence for a while, watching the sun rise and enjoying the early morning peace as their siblings were still sleeping. China finished his tea and sat the cup down, sighing softly. Japan decided he should at least try to open up the topic; maybe talking about it would help him begin to cope.

"Um, oniichan, can I ask you something?"

China looked up at the younger nation, eyes a bit wary, but nodded once. "Yes, what is it?"

"Werr, I just want to know how you are doing." Japan didn't quite meet his older brothers eyes, but he could sense him stiffen a bit.

China stared past him and out the window, his face blank and voice uncharacteristically monotonous. "I'm just fine I guess." Well, so much for trying to get him to open up. Still, he persisted

"Yao-"

"Don't call me that anymore." China hissed. Japan sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. Why did he even start this? He opened his mouth to speak again, but China cut him off.

"It's been six weeks." He said quietly, hanging his head. "I thought he'd return by now."

Suddenly Japan stood and leaned over the table, forcing his brother to meet his eyes; he couldn't stand for this any longer, and he was going to let China know.

"How can you stirr want him here after what he did to you? He has no business coming around here again."

"Kiku." China warned, letting the younger nation know he was overstepping his boundaries; he had no right to speak to him like that! But Japan cut him off.

"Wang Yao, do you remember when I found you that night? How broody and bruised you were? How you were near death?" Japan kept his voice soft as usual, but there was a hint of anger lacing his tone. "I won't ret him hurt you again, I won't ret him get near you."

At this, China stood too, his eyes blazing, and spoke through clenched teeth. "How dare you! You have no right to tell me what to do Kiku!" Tears were beginning to form in China's eyes and he cursed himself for his weakness; he never wanted anyone to see him like this, least of all his brother who had always looked up to him. He would be disappointed in him, and wouldn't look to him as his hero anymore. And China just couldn't bear the thought.

He heard a soft noise behind him and turned slightly to see Hong Kong standing in the doorway, watching his older siblings with slightly wide eyes.

"Aniki? What's wrong?" The small dark haired boy asked hesitantly. China turned and smiled at him, willing himself to mask any despair that may have been present on his face.

"Nothing, everything just fine. Excuse me." He turned away from the two and went into his room, shutting the door behind him. Hong Kong slid into the seat next to Japan and looked at his brother worriedly. "Kiku, is Aniki gonna be alright?"

Japan looked down at the young nation; he was about the same size that he himself had been when China found him. He was so small and innocent, he couldn't know of the kind of agony and suffering his eldest brother had been through; it would break his heart. So he simply ruffled his brother's short black hair and smiled a bit. "Yes, he wirr be fine, don't worry."

Hong Kong sighed in relief, comforted by Japan's words. China then emerged from his bedroom, fully dressed and his hair tied back in its usual fashion. "I'm going out to the fields for a bit. I'll be back at lunchtime."

"But Aniki, it's Saturday! And it's so hot outside!" Hong Kong protested.

China shook his head and ruffled Hong Kong's hair as well, empty smile plastered on his face. "No need to worry di di, I just need some fresh air, I won't stay long." He turned to the door and opened it. "I'll see you later!" He hurried outside and shut the door behind him before either of his siblings had time to argue further.

Once he was outside, he was running; he didn't much pay attention to where he was going, just somewhere away from everything, somewhere he could be alone and scream and cry his heart broken heart out. Tears were already streaming down his face, flying behind him as he ran, sparkling like diamonds, shattering like glass.

He ran until he was gasping for air and overheated and fell to his knees, lightheaded from the effort. He waited a moment for his head to stop spinning then looked up, gazing at his surroundings. Upon realizing where he'd ended up, he wanted to scream more than ever.

"Th-the sunflower field." He whispered to no one, staring at the tall sunny flowers. They mocked him with their happy glow, leaving him curled up in a ball, shoulders shaking as he sobbed loudly, memories flooding his mind and burying him in anguish.

_After all the days in the sunflower fields, talking and laughing and learning everything there was to know about each other, Yao knew that Ivan loved them. So on their two year anniversary, he knew it would be the perfect gift; a beautiful bouquet of the bright yellow flowers. _

_Yao hurried to Ivan's house happily, excited to spend the evening with his beloved; he knocked on the door to announce himself then let himself in as had become their routine. He was a bit surprised to find the place completely dark, and there was an eerie chill in the air. _

_His breath appeared before him in puffs; he hesitantly ventured further into the house, hugging himself for warmth. "Ivan? Are you here?" He called. There was no answer at first, then a crash, something breaking. It came from Ivan's room, Yao realized. He went to investigate. _

_At first, nothing seemed all that strange; Ivan had knocked a vase off and broke it. A mistake, Yao was sure. The Russian was sitting on the edge of his bed, bottle of vodka in hand. Again, this was normal; Ivan drank all the time, it didn't affect him much and Yao never minded. As for the temperature, well, Ivan liked it cold. Still, something seemed off. _

_Ivan turned to face his lover, smile on his face as usual. But it wasn't his usual smile; it was wrong, it looked sadistic and maddened, and _scary.

"_Ah, Yao, you're here," the Russian slurred, standing and stumbling over to the petite Chinese man, nearly falling on top of him. He caught himself by throwing his arm out next to Yao's head and pressing his hand against the wall. He leaned over Yao, his eyes glassy and distant. He reeked of vodka, much worse than usual. _

"_Ivan, what's wrong? How much you drink?" Yao was afraid, the huge man who now had him cornered didn't look like the gentle man whom he loved; he was someone else, a beast, a monster. _

_Ivan ignored his question; rather he noticed the flowers Yao was still holding. He took them and held them to his face, smiling wider. "My favorite flowers! You know how I love them." Ivan grinned and placed a large hand on Yao's small shoulder, squeezing it roughly. "You're my little flower Yao. And I am a bee. Do you know what bees do to flowers?"_

_Yao trembled, whimpering softly in pain when Ivan squeezed much too hard. He shook his head, fiercely hoping he could escape somehow. It was then that Ivan lifted him and flung him onto the bed, lying on top of him and pinning him down. _

"_I've been patient, but now I want your body, it is time for you to be giving it to me." He began to strip Yao's clothes off and the smaller man began to squirm, pleading to be let go. _

_Of course, Ivan ignored his pleas; he ignored him completely until he'd gotten him ready, then he leaned in and hissed menacingly in Yao's ear. _

"_A bee defiles a flower, and now I defile you, my little Yao."_

_And on that night, Yao's sanity had been taken from him, leaving his mind in shards; his heart ripped out and destroyed, leaving a broken hollow cavity in his chest. And the glow in his beautiful honey colored eyes was put out, perhaps never to shine again. _

Yao trembled violently, remembering the pain; it had hurt so badly. He thought Ivan really loved him, really cared for him, but it was all lies, and that hurt worse than anything Ivan had done that night.

As Yao sat there, tears still flowing from his eyes, the hot sun was beating down on him, raising his body temperature well above what it should be. The fact that he hadn't eaten that morning and overexerted himself by running left his head spinning and his body feeling incredibly weak. He decided he better calm down and return home, but as he began to push himself up on his thin arms they gave out and he fell back, pinned to the ground by the scorching sun. He tried desperately to move but found he couldn't feel his limbs anymore, nor could he hold on to his consciousness, try as he might. He was afraid, afraid this immense heat was slowly sucking the life from him and that he would shrivel and die like a dried up leaf. He tried to hang on but he slowly faded anyway; the last thing he was aware of was a thick shadow looming over him, but he was unable to make it out before he slipped into a flaming abyss.

**Okay a few things:**

**I know I used many different terms for brother and they're all calling each other different things, it may not all be correct, but just bear with me, I don't speak Chinese or Japanese so I don't really know what I'm doing. **

**I don't have China say 'aru', simply because this is written in English, and he doesn't say it in the English dub and therefore it sounds really out of place to me. **

**That's really it, please leave me a review if you like it, or if you didn't, and chapter 2 will be up momentarily. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Here's the second and final chapter. I worked major hard on this story and am pleased with how it turned out, I really hope you guys enjoy it, and leave any feedback you may have, be it positive or constructive criticism. **

When China slowly came to he was aware of two things: He was not in his home, and he was not alone.

He knew this because he was in a bed, but this one wasn't nearly as soft as his own; it was also chilly in the room, and it smelled strongly of sunflowers and snow.

He also could hear someone beside him breathing slowly, and he could sense that person was watching him.

China lay still for a moment trying to remember where he was, for he knew it was familiar; he began putting all the pieces of the puzzle together.

Not so soft bed, chill in the air, sunflowers.

_Oh no._

It would have been wise for him to continue faking sleep until the other person left the room, which he would have to at some point, and then quietly sneak out. He still felt quite tired so he probably would have fallen asleep again anyway. But upon realizing who was beside him and where he was, panic overtook him; his eyes shot open and he sat up in the bed, a thick blanket falling off of his body and a damp washcloth off his forehead and into his lap. He looked down for a moment, then around the room to take in his surroundings; it was exactly as he had feared.

He was in Russia's bedroom.

Finally he turned slowly to face the large Russian man who was sitting beside him and observing him quietly; he trembled a bit in fear when amber eyes met amethyst ones, though they seemed passive enough, and sober. China didn't dare move or speak and he lowered his eyes away from the terrifying gaze of the larger nation; though terrifying wasn't the worst part for him. Looking into those eyes that were so gentle and once held so much kindness and love towards him stung, causing a sharp pain in his chest. He clutched at it and curled into himself a bit, trembling more now. Russia, who had remained silent up until this point, broke the silence, speaking very softly in an effort not to startle the smaller man.

"Yao, are you alright?"

Yao turned to face him, tears welling up in his eyes; overwhelmed by fear and despair as he was he could do nothing to stop it. There were many things he wanted to say in that moment, but he settled on a seemingly simple question.

"What do you think?" His tone was soft and his voice shaky, but there was a large dose of venom there.

Russia appeared to think for a moment before shaking his head. "I'm thinking that's a no."

"And why do you think that is?!" China lashed out, jumping up from the bed and shouting in the taller man's face. All fear had left him; now there was just the burning anger, consuming him like a flame. Russia showed little reaction to the Asian man's outburst, just staring at him evenly.

"I know, it's because of me, isn't it Yao?"

"Never call me that." China hissed dangerously, eyes scorching. Russia stood so he was towering over the other man, his face and body language calm. He truly regretted what he did, he hated himself for hurting his beloved in such a violent and degrading manner; it killed him to think of the pain his beautiful flower had suffered at his hands. But he had changed, he wasn't that vicious beast anymore, and he wanted Yao to see that. He would _make _Yao see that.

He took a step towards Yao with his hand slightly outstretched, to which Yao's response was to back away growling. "Ivan, I'm warning you, stay away from me."

"Yao, please just hear me out-"

"After what you did to me?! You really think I'm going to listen to you?!" Yao backed away until his back was pressed against the door, hand on the doorknob. "Don't you dare follow me; I never want to see you again!"

"Yao don't go!" But he already had, slamming the door behind him. Ivan rushed after him without hesitation, running as fast as he could although it wasn't nearly fast enough to keep up with the agile Chinese man. However, it didn't take long before the little bit of strength Yao had recovered had been depleted and he could run no further. It was then that Ivan caught up with him, finding him leaning against a tree and gasping for air. He starting coughing, his lungs burning from the lack of oxygen, and that combined with the sweltering heat left the frail man in agony, clutching at his chest and leaning all of his weight on the tree. Ivan approached him and very gently pulled him into an embrace, rubbing soothing circles on his back in an effort to calm him. At first Yao squirmed and tried to protest, but was too weak and wound up leaning on the larger man's chest, his erratic breathing slowly returning to normal. He tried desperately to stop the tears but to no avail; being in Ivan's strong arms and breathing in his familiar scent reminded him of all they had shared, of how much Yao had loved him, and still did. And of how devastated he was when Ivan threw it all away.

"Yao?" Ivan questioned softly as the smaller man had gone mostly still, trying to think clearly and keep his emotions in check. Finally he pulled away a bit, enough to look into the larger man's eyes with his tear filled ones.

"Why?" Yao asked brokenly. "Tell me why you did it Ivan? Why did you hurt me so much?" Ivan felt as if a knife had been plunged into his chest; looking into Yao's beautiful eyes, seeing the immense pain there, knowing he caused it; it broke him, it killed him. His hands shook and he brought them to his face to cover his shame, mumbling something in Russian.

Yao leaned a bit closer to him. "What did you say?"

Ivan stood up straight and very gently placed his hands on Yao's shoulders, meeting his eyes once more with a look Yao had never seen; he looked sad, and there were even tears there; Ivan was heartbroken too, finally realizing the pain he'd caused.

"Yao, please listen to me. I know what I did to you was horrible, I know there are no words that can fix it or make it right, and I can't take it back." Ivan paused and took a shaky breath; Yao had composed his face into an emotionless mask. "But Yao, please understand how sorry I am, how much I love you, and how I hate myself for what I've done."

"You defiled me Ivan, you broke me, ripped me apart. Physically it hurt me so much, but that was the least of it. You told me you'd never hurt me like that. When I told you I wasn't ready, you promised me you would wait, that it didn't matter." A single tear rolled down Yao's cheek and he whispered "You lied to me Ivan."

Ivan sighed heavily and lowered his eyes to the ground. "I know that Yao, I know. You have to understand I was drinking so much." He looked up and met Yao's eyes once more. "It was Belarus, she tried to stab me and I was frustrated and upset, so I drank until I forgot it all."

"Stop making excuses." Yao cut him off. "I don't want to hear it Ivan; it's not going to make what you did okay."

"What do you want to hear Yao?" Ivan asked quietly. Yao pulled away from the Russian and turned so that his back was to him; he was quiet for a moment, and then turned back to the taller man.

"What do I want to hear? I want to hear you say you love me, that everything is okay, that we can fix this."

"We _can _fix it, I promise, please just give me a chance!" Ivan pleaded desperately. Yao shook his head, agony in his eyes.

"I don't know. You went too far, and there is nothing that can take back what you did." Yao began to back away more, though moving away from Ivan when he desperately wanted to be in his arms was one of the hardest things he'd ever done. He cleared his throat and tried his best to keep the tremor out of his voice. "I think we've reached the end of the road, and turning around is no longer an option; there is nowhere else for us to go now." Saying those words crushed Yao, he had to force them to move past his lips, had to force his eyes away from Ivan's beautiful haunted face, force his body to turn the other way, and his feet to start carrying him back to his home. "There is no more here for us Ivan; it's over."

In one swift movement, much more swift than the large nation usually managed, he had gently grabbed Yao's arm and spun him into his chest, wrapping his arms tightly around him and leaning down to press his mouth to the Chinese man's soft petal-like lips. Yao didn't have it in him to try to fight it, not when he wanted it so badly; he had forgotten just how intoxicating the other man's kiss was. His lips were cold and tasted bittersweet; it was like a drug, and Yao was hopelessly addicted.

They kissed each other hungrily, tongues battling for dominance, arms and legs tangled together tightly, breathing all but forgotten. They stayed that way for as long as they could manage, but finally had to break away, flushed and panting, eyes locked on each other's. Ivan pressed his lips tenderly to Yao's forehead then leaned down and whispered in his ear.

"I love you, everything is okay, and we can fix this." He hugged Yao a bit tighter. "фарфора куклы."

Yao gasped softly upon hearing those tantalizing words flow melodiously from his beloved's tongue; those words he was sure he'd never hear again, that he realized in that moment that he was so afraid he'd never hear again.

He whimpered and buried his face in Ivan's broad chest, tears once again falling from his eyes.

_Everything is okay. _Maybe it wasn't yet, but Yao knew it could be, and in Ivan's embrace he was finally home, where he belonged.

**фарфора куклы = China doll in Russian. I thought it was perfect 3 I think that would be Russia's pet name for China, since he's so much smaller than him and looks like a beautiful porcelain doll.**


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